Where I experience God's Amazing Grace

  Right now I have "Beautiful Things" by Gungor on repeat and just been reflecting on God's faithfulness in my life. There's not much I can say but I'm not the way that I am on my own accord, but rather it's God who has been working in my life piece by piece and keeping my heart soft so that I may continue to grow closer to Him in His presence. No matter how far away I try to go from Him, I will always be in the palm of His hand.
  I am the farthest from perfect, there are others who understand God's love and God's grace  more than I, who are more bold and unashamed to proclaim what they believe and who are quicker to receive those who are considered, "unwanted". But God is not done with me yet, and I know that He will bring me to completion at the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6).
This is the kind of thing that I have been learning over the past week, and I've been encouraged throughout it all.
 

Snowshoeing

  Last week we were up on Mount. Washington spending 5 days snowboarding, snowshoeing and skiing. The first two days for me (we had a choice of which activities to do each day) was snowboarding and I was actually surprised that I was able to get off the chairlift several times without falling (unfortunately I think that I still need to work on my finesse...but let's not get too out of hand here!). That was quite fun as I was attempting to teach myself how to carve, yet I wasn't able to accomplish that particular skill during those first two days and though it resulted in quite a lot of wipeouts I fortunately was not too injured by the time wednesday rolled around. And on wednesday we went to another nearby rental place where we got our snowshoes! What's really cool about Mount Washington is that it is in the same area as Mt. Albert-Edwards - where we had our first hiking trip! So it was cool to see the mountain while we were boarding and realize how far we had come since then. So while we were shoeing around, we realized that we had hiked these trails before...only without all the snow, so that was really special for us to come back to that place as think about the growth that we've experienced throughout these past months. After that expedition, we headed back to the chalet that we were staying in and had an awesome time at chapel. What was particularly special about this night was that I was feeling quite empty - so I basically tried to ignore it and focus on how others were doing. But I know that there are times when God feels far away and yet that's when He's actually the closest, He brings those times so that we become hungry and thirsty for Him. This was one of those times where I was yearning for my cup to be filled so that I could reach to those around me. Funny thing was, during worship, "you are my all in all" was requested and in the song, these lyrics came up: "when I am dry you fill my cup". And that is exactly what God did.
  So after worship, Andrew decided that the next two nights would be edifying each other and so going down the list, one by one we would sit in the middle and have people speak words of encouragement and appreciation. On wednesday night I didn't sit in the middle, but it brought me so much joy to watch each person being loved upon and having things said about them that others didn't really notice. God was truly making my heart glad and making my cup overflow! What's more, after chapel everyone headed down to have a snack, while I just sat, thanking God for His goodness -while God was telling me to go and encourage Andrew. The next thing I knew Andrew came and found me and rather than me saying what God had put on my heart, Andrew said what God had put on his heart. Andrew being a first time father expressed his desire for his baby girl to grow up to be a woman with compassion, love for God, beauty and a servant heart. "I want my daughter to be like you Marissa" is what he said to me, me:*cue the water works* (yes I did cry, a lot ). So thank you mom and dad for loving me and teaching about the love and discipline of my Father. That was a powerful night, where without any effort on my part God far surpassed everything imaginable.

Boarding buddies!

  So after that awesome night, thursday was next up to bat. I wasn't feeling too well but still wanted to get outside. But after a couple runs I headed back to the chalet for some rest. It was only after I had emptied my stomach was I feeling up to hang out with the others who were either injured or just not up to getting outside. I have to say I wouldn't have had those talks if I was up on the hill so I pretty excited for that though I would've loved to get outside. However thursday was another night of encouragement, which was still as good as the night before (and it was also my turn to be in the middle). And when Friday rolled around, I was super excited to be back out, especially since it was a blizzard outside which meant a ton of snow!! So to sum up the day I was actually able to carve - which turned out to be not as hard as I thought that it was, and almost went down a black diamond run rather than a green run - that could've ended much worse than it did :) But I made it out and had a blast doing it. Though we did have one major-ish injury, Tessa had wipeout pretty rough and the first aid responders weren't sure whether or not she had torn a ligament or if it was a high ankle sprain. Apparently Bec (our intern) was actually more worried than Tessa was, and Tessa wasn't actually in a ton of pain so we were pretty grateful for that.  And thus after that episode, we basically packed up and headed back to camp.

And now, we've had a few days off to get started on our theology of missions homework and to recover which has been really nice because it's given us some time to really think about what's going to go on next year. It's almost set in stone, but I will be doing my B.A. in Christian Ministry with a concentration in Childhood studies at Briercrest next year - so I'm pretty pumped about that! Yet I am still working on what's going to happen during the summer, though right now I would absolutely love to stay here for 4 1/2 more months and see what God has in store for this camp but I cannot say that it is set in stone.
But what I do know it that our crew is leaving on thursday morning for the mainland to spend it at Missions Fest!! So very excited for that as we will be staying at a church and spending thursday touring around Vancouver (hmm...something that I've never done before!) and then both friday and saturday going to be filled with sessions and seminars!! So I'm looking forward to be seeing people and learning more about God's global mission...stoked!!
I think that this is all for now, adios amigos!

{Power}

  I've been back at camp for two weeks now, and I'm breathing in the fresh air, the space and the joy of being back. I love my mainland home with all my heart, but right now this is home to me, where I am discovering more than I could have ever dreamed and learning more things than I could have imagined. Maybe it's the freedom, maybe it's being challenged by my peers, just maybe I have finally taken a hold and discovered my faith on my own accord. Whatever it is, I am loving it here.
   Already we have completed a class, organized and ran a youth event and are currently packing for our upcoming ski/snowboarding trip (There seems to be a certain pattern with me and procrastinating with packing...oh well!). Our first class back from the holidays as a 2nd year course concerning the Pauline Epistles. I was really looking forward to this class as I have always wanted to learn more about the man who was Paul and his books. However, though this class was enjoyable because the teacher was fairly funny, it wasn't what any of us had expected. It was not really a fair comparison, but I guess we unconsciously compared this teacher, Carl with that of our Gospels teacher, Wes (who had a masters degree in the gospel of Matthew, so we learned so much from him). When we realized that all we were doing in class was reading the Bible out loud (we absolutely love reading the Good Book, don't misunderstand me, but it's something that we can do on our own time) we became a little frustrated and quite bored (a little ashamed to say so, but that's the truth) - it was hard to be in that class and it was even harder to produce any motivation for the papers that were due afterwards. But we got it done and I'm looking very much forward to the next class: Theology of Mission which is at the end of the month and where I am going to get a taste of the what might lay ahead at Briercrest in September (I haven't decided what program I'm getting in to quite yet and currently the choice rests between early childhood education and global studies).
   The next thing that happened on our schedule was the youth night. This was quite fun! We were in charge of certain parts of camp for one night and ran a night filled with worship, games, snacks and fun. I had the opportunity to work in registration and mug up (which is the camp lingo for night snack) which was a ton of fun with the people that I got to work with. Because I was a part of the kitchen staff for most of the night, I didn't really get the chance to see how the night went in its completion, but I have heard some awesome things from people who attended so I guess that I can dub it a success!!
   Currently we are preparing for a week long trip to Mt. Washington for some awesome times of fun and bonding (it's hard to think that we could get any closer, but apparently we can!). I got to snowboard for the very first time this winter (thanks Elliot for being an awesome teacher!) and so I am actually looking forward to this trip rather than dreading it, though I am expecting a few bumps and bruises and for sure a sore, sore body.
 
   There have been so many things that have been going on since I've been back, but the one thing that I have found is that it is so much easier to be me here. It was really good before the break, but the first 4 months was filled with trying to get to know everyone unlike this 2nd semester. It's just like a family of 21 people, brothers bugging the sisters and the sisters getting the brothers in trouble (Not that I have anything to do with that...), so there's so much here that I am truly thankful for and praise God completely with. There are some tough times, but because of that relationship we know that there is a deep love for one another to see each other being built up rather than being torn down.
   God has been so gracious to me in the times where I stumble, in the times where I'm confused and frustrated and just plain naive. Even during the Pauline Epistles, when I thought I wouldn't really learn anything I have learned one of the profound things that I think that I have learned thus far in the program.
    Acts 9:10-19 (Might want to read it before continuing) talks about a disciple named Ananias who was asked by God to lay hands upon Saul - a man who was persecuting Christianity, which was the exact faith in which Ananias followed. What struck me the most firstly was Ananias' response, like it's an everyday thing that God calls on him, "Here I am". That's something in which I need to do, even if it's only one time that God calls me to do something - "Here I am, send me" (Isaiah 6:8)
   What hit me next was even more profound. You see, Ananias probably prayed for Paul with the hope that the persecution would stop - yet it never occurred to him that maybe God would use him to answer that prayer. It was this very man who was never heard of before, or since, that brought Paul's sight back and baptized him...it was Ananias who laid hands on the murderer of his friends and called him brother.
 
   Recently I got a taste of what this is like though I didn't lay hands on a murderer. But rather I had the chance to be the answer to a prayer that was being prayed with an earnest heart. I have never felt so connected to the grace of God than that moment when I knew that I was 100% a part of God's Will for someone else. GOD IS SO GOOD! His power is more than what I have ever comprehended in my entire life, and it's slowly unfolding in front of my very eyes. I don't think that I have ever been so in love in my entire life! 

Yet there is always, always room for prayer, there's kind of been a little bit of spiritual warfare going on though I have not yet really had a full on attack. There have been some reoccurring nightmares (nightmares themselves are rare for me in general, let alone reoccurring) that I have been experiencing and they've been very gruesome and graphic, so that's kind of been a little frightening. So please be in prayer for me and the whole group, that no matter where we are, that God's protection be on our hearts and minds and that we don't rely on our own flesh to take on this battle, but rather on the power of the Living God.
  Also, another prayer is for my summer. I've had an offer of a full-time summer position here at camp in a leadership position and right now I'm not hearing anything concerning which path to take - whether to stay at camp for 4 more months (which means more fundraising and a possibility of a loan for Briercrest), or to go back to the mainland and work there. My desire is to follow what God's Will is, and I have had first hand experience that He will provide when the time comes - I just need to hear His voice so that I can respond with, "Here I am, send me"

I guess it's time to get back to packing!!

Love, Marissa

A New Year

    2012. Weird! As of right now, I am currently procrastinating my packing and passing the time trying to enjoy my last moments here at home (though I know that I would enjoy it more if I didn't have the whole packing thing looming over my head). However, I know that packing must come eventually so I'll keep this post short and (hopefully) sweet.
    It's a brand new year and I'm excited for the things that God has planned for me in the upcoming months. I head back to Kaleo tomorrow and start a fresh with new expectations and new challenges, though I must admit I'm a little nervous about the challenges. But these past few weeks that I've had at home have been good for me...keeping me busy, and further forcing me out of the bubble that I had currently occupied while at school.
    Being at home was not what I had expected, but I was so thankful for my family and my dear friends that I got to spend my time with. I have sorely missed this community and I though I feel that this holiday has been too quick, it is time for me to head back to the island.
Sometimes I feel that way: Where I want multiple worlds to come together so that distance is no longer an obstacle, however I have been labeled a "dreamer" more than a few times in my life to understand that this is not possible and I must accept change exactly as it presents itself: an altering in my journey.

    But the joy that I have come across during my time here is that though it may be my journey, it's not my path that I follow. It's God's. He directs my path, no matter where I go - for good or for my own evil purposes - He transforms it into His Will and His goodness for those who trust in Him.

    I don't really enjoy resolutions mainly because I'm often too stubborn to change my ways, however this year my resolution is that I grow more in my intimacy with Christ while reaching outwardly with His love and grace.


Happy New Year to you all!!

Love, Marissa

I'm Coming Home!

    So it's about 5:30 am in the morning and I can't sleep so I thought that I'd do a little blog to pass the time before I actually get out of bed!
    Two of my roommates left about an hour and a half ago for their flights, so we were up just so that we could say a final goodbye and Merry Christmas. There is already this vacant feeling in the room, sleeping in my own room again is going to be interesting without anybody else there.
However, it is indeed Christmas time and I am coming home today!! I am super excited and ready to be home and see my family and my friends again, it's been a while.

  4 months has passed with me being in this program and I can still remember the very first day, it's incredible the amount of things that have happened and the experiences that I have gone through. God has been so present in my life teaching me, disciplining me, loving me and guiding me, He has opened my eyes to so many things that I would have never seen before and has revealed to me the things that I desperately need to change. I have found something so great here during my studies and during my devotions: The deeper I go into the Bible, the bigger my God becomes, the more powerful He is, the more merciful He is with me and the more righteous He is. It's not like He has ever changed, it's just my perspective on Him has and I have found a deeper desire to know His thoughts, His ways and His will. I have begun to learn how to have a two-way relationship with God, and though there is still so much that I need to learn, I have discovered so much joy in what I have experienced.
   It hasn't been easy to say the least, mom has had to listen to a few crying sessions (indeed it's surprising, but I do cry) - trying to encourage me through sobs is a little difficult, but she has done well (thanks mom!). As I've learned from her, it's dealing with the heart matter that makes things so much more difficult and it's so true and I don't really like the process. However I've been encouraged here at camp that it's in the valleys is where God works the best, it's where His power shines brightest because it's in those valleys where I have to depend fully on God's promises that He uses everything to the good of those who love Him. I've learned through other people how suffering to bless is one of life's most interesting gifts. When we suffer, it opens doors to reach other people, to bless other people but first we must understand that we cannot suffer on our own, for we wouldn't make it. Just like in that famous poem, "footprints in the sand" it's during those times where we were carried, and because we were shown powerful love, we in turn can use those experiences to "carry" someone else - to love them through their pain.
   God has also placed 3 incredible people in my life here at Kaleo to guide me and encourage me. My roommates. I cannot say enough about how much they mean to me, their tremendous influences have played a key role in helping to ground my faith and to depend more on God. We always seem to have fun, even on the difficult days: the boring-trying to trudge through a paper-stuck inside-wanting to tear your hair out frustrated-days. We each bring something to the table and it's amazing to me how we've made our differences work and even benefit each other. We've done some pretty awesome things this semester: build forts, make hammocks, buy a christmas tree (a little/fake one), have nerf gun wars, and most importantly begun a little tradition of reading a chapter of a book before bedtime (currently we're on C.S. Lewis' "The magicians nephew"--total bible school students, I know) and through all this we've learned so many things about each other - how to confront/admonish another (currently it involves a process with the nerf guns), how to encourage, how to listen and how to love one another.
 
   Kaleo has taught me so much in this first semester and I pray that I can bring what I've learned home. For I've been in this little bubble for a while and there hasn't been too many distractions (or at least as many as there will be at home) so I've been able to focus my attention almost solely on seeking the kingdom of God and growing in that. Yet I know that my journey is not done, it will never be done. I still get to spend Christmas with family, something that I've been looking forward to, getting more excited as every day passes. I get to catch up with friends and make some more memories with them and I'll get to meet new friends and discover new memories with them as well.

I'm falling asleep again so I think this will be a goodbye - but there will be more coming.

See some of you in a few hours!!!!!

A Light in the Darkness

 

Crazy how the week seems to fly by and suddenly we're back to Monday again! That's basically how I can sum up what's been happening lately...it's been a whirlwind of adventures, studying and trying to catch up on sleep.  Last week we had both monday and tuesday off! Well kinda, there wasn't anything scheduled for those days but they were filled with frantically finishing papers and group projects so it came as a relief when wednesday came and we headed off to a little town called Ladysmith where we had an amazing time caving!!

    It definitely was an adventure, especially climbing up a small waterfall and praying that we wouldn't fall down any steep slopes. God really taught me several different things through this particular out-trip, for one thing I never really thought that I would ever go caving and here I found myself doing something that was out of my comfort zone. I have to admit, I don't really like caves. Why you ask? Precisely because they're dark and unknown and I don't like the dark and unknown at all. So it was an interesting time when our leader Andrew instructed us to turn off our headlamps all at once and I was engulfed in darkness. I could blink and I couldn't tell the difference, I could move my hand in front of my face and all I saw was black. My eyes eventually started to hurt because they couldn't adjust to the blackness. It was with this awareness that Andrew began speaking to us about how we are supposed to be a light of the world to those walking in darkness, and now with us having experienced the utter blackness we can understand how it's difficult to make way through life without having a light to guide. This is my call, to be a guiding light on the hill that gives glory to God my Father, so that all may see my good works and know that He is the one who guides me.
   As we walked around, we kept asking Andrew how far we've gone into the cave considering we had been on the move for about 45 minutes. It wasn't until we had reached the entrance of the cave did we understand that we had walked in one giant loop! As we thought about what we had traversed through, we realized that there had really been no need to climb up the waterfall or tentatively make our way along slippery slopes with Andrew telling us where to place our feet for the most sure route, because the easier path was just feet away. But this is what Andrew's point was, God leads us to places not because He wants us to take the easier way, but because He wants us to show us that He is there with His love and peace and that He will guide us through even when we're trekking through the dangerous valleys and we feel alone. God has never told us that we won't escape pain or suffering just because we call ourselves Christians, but He has promised us that through that pain and suffering He will never forsake us.

Before heading in!

   So that was definitely a fun time, particularly once we knew our way around the cave. We roamed free and got to really experience the cave in all its wonder. We followed the waterfall all the way until we could no longer climb upwards and got to have a little shower (certainly know we could use one!).

The crew getting a little wet

This past thursday we headed back out to Ladysmith for their annual Ladysmith Lightup! The town of Ladysmith will light the whole town and they have a parade of the local businesses, clubs, churches and schools which roll through town on various floats. It was really quite fantastic with all the participants (we weren't really expecting all that much) and how many people showed up to watch, which apparently added up to 25,000 people!

Just one of the many lighted "floats"

A snapshot of the wonders

It was actually really fun, specifically at the end when we followed the very last float...which surprisingly was not a santa one, but rather the Nativity Scene which was really awesome and the whole crowd gathered around the city hall and sang "Joy to the World" (A personal favourite carol!). After they lit the giant tree and then proceeded to have one of the most spectacular fireworks show I've seen, it was quite amazing!

And to top off the night, our whole entire group decided, so that we wouldn't lose anyone, to walk 15 minutes back to the vans holding hands...it received some strange looks but I think that it really made my night because of how much fun we made it. 

Finally, we've come full circle to Monday where I've begun another class: Gospels. Everything I had heard from other sources had lead me to believe that our teacher Wes Olmstead was terrifying...and after spending all day, from 8:30 to 5:30, with him I have to say that I am the most eager I have ever been for class, and I would have absolutely no problem with having more classes with him. He really knows his stuff, teaches it so well and is quite personable. The only thing that I'm worried about is his marking...he apparently has this reputation for being a tough marker, but I'm not really convinced that he's unfair, rather it's because he knows his stuff that he can mark in the way that he does. So be praying that I can take full advantage of having such a privilege of him teaching me and that I can absorb everything that he is teaching and store the words that I'm studying in my Bible in my heart. 

And the countdown begins...15 more days and I'm on my way back to the mainland for christmas break!!

Meet the Cast and See the Set

So I thought I'd let you know who's been here at camp, I want you to meet those who I spend every single day with!! It's quite exciting and every single person is amazing in there own way!

So first, I'd like to introduce you to my roommates:

Nancy, Makayla, Lindsey and me!

They are amazing people, they encourage me to push myself and kind of break out of my mould. It's so awesome to be able to laugh about almost anything and the very next second to be asking the hard questions and really testing each other, trying to ground each other in our faith. These girls are the ones that I spend the most time with and I'm so grateful and thankful for them.

Next for all the ladies:

Looking lovely for the Thanksgiving Dinner!

These are equally phenomenal people. They are all so beautiful and caring and different! They each bring a different gift to our group that helps to make living on a girls floor not only better than bearable, but uplifting and so much fun!!
 So in the picture on the very left in the pink shirt is Alisha, the taller girl right behind her is Erin, and right next to Erin is Tessa (Not sure if you can see the dreads, but she's the one with dreads), Stacey is the shorter blonde in the black dress in the front and beside her with the redder hair is Hannah. The tallest blonde in the back is Kathleen. Nancy is front and center with Lindsey tucked away right beside her. Nicole is the one in the blue shirt and floral skirt. Bec, our female intern (she lives right across the hall, and is awesome!) is a quarter cut off by Nicole, with Erin Karklins, our Assistant Kaleo leader in the Hollister Sweater and Makayla is right behind her in the very back. There's me (who I hope that you know!) and then there's Toni!! These are all the Kaleo ladies that I have gotten to know very well and love very much!

Now for the Guys:

So there are 9 guys in the program, and the picture does show 8 (just in case you were wondering if I couldn't count), I actually couldn't find any picture with all of the guys, so this one will have to suffice. From left to right, there's Matthew, Michael, Mitch, Tanner, Keith, Graedon, Cody, Jon. Trevor is the one who isn't pictured.
These guys are really awesome brothers, they often bring the comedy relief and the necessary characteristics to keep us level headed and still on our toes. They're all really intelligent and fun to hang out with and I would have to say that life here at Camp Qwanoes would actually be quite boring without them because they love to prank and get into all kinds of mischief - and it most of the times ends up becoming a group joke, but there is the occasional time where it gets taken too far (thankfully it hasn't been that often!). Just like the girls, they are all different in their personalities and it's been such an amazing time getting to know each of them and their unique gifts.

Now for my room!! (Don't worry, it was semi-clean when I took the pictures!)
The Tour:
We'll start at our door (Exciting, I know!):

That white paper on the bottom is one of
the many quote walls throughout the building

Then we move into the bathroom area (Even more enthralling!):

The toilet and shower are in the reflection of the mirror
(not actually, I just didn't want to take a thousand pictures)

Keep moving until we head into the actual sleeping quarters (Where it gets a little more exciting...)

This is actually what my room looked like
2 weeks ago...

This is what it looks like right now

This is the inside of it! (with a little of Nancy)

Then my bed area (duh, duh, duh...it's actually clean!!!)

There's actual books open on my desk = Studious!

Then you get the awesome view from my seat at my desk. (You don't really get to see the actual ocean in the picture, but it's there)

I wanted to wait to do this particular post because I wanted to wait until I had gotten to know the people here better. I love being here at Camp Qwanoes, it's been a remarkable time these past three months studying, adventuring, laughing, playing, crying, and going crazy! I haven't regretted one single thing about being here and I can't wait to see what God has in store for me for the rest of this month and the new year...He's been patient with me while I've been solidifying my biblical foundations and building upwards from there. I've learned so much about His grace and I've been reorienting my identity to be the one that He loves, It's been hard, but it's rewarding to say the least.

I hope to be doing another video sometime soon, so stay tuned!!

Thank you all so much for coming alongside me through all this, if there's anything you would like to know more about, please let me know!

Love, Marissa

something a little different

Firstly I apologize for taking so long in between posts, but I'll make sure that I get as much information in as I can in this next week.

   So this time I thought that I'd do something different as opposed to writing everything down. It's a short little video, but I promise that more will come soon, I just am running out of time on my study break (and I'm in the library) so I can't really do an extended amount in this video. 

Also, during our last class we did this creative project on the Old Testament. It's on our school blog so here's the link if you want to check it out: Old Testament Creative Project