School. Silence. Judas. Love.

    Ahhh...the first week of school has been completed and I can now breathe, at least for the next couple of hours. It's definitely been a real eye opening process from the beginning to the end, but I'm glad I've learned the lessons that I have. The first lesson that I've learned is that getting a head start on things really diminishes the stress during the week, and I'm so thankful that I prepared ahead of time our different memory verses (which by the way I got perfect on most of them and 99% on only 3 of them, so I'm pretty satisfied with that).  The second lesson I've learned was that I can't really treat the things that I'm learning as part of my academics, but rather part of my life. It changes the perspective completely and allows me to really put in to practice what I've been taught; so these memory verses are not just for grades, they're for me to store in my heart and to use on a daily basis. Thirdly, I've learned that though I may be ahead and all organized when it comes to prioritizing the work load for the next three classes, there are other students who are struggling with just trying to keep up. It's such a benefit for everyone to be in this program because we're all taking the same classes and we're all there in the same building so it's easier to keep people accountable when we're supposed to be doing school work. Anyways, it's just amazing how much I can relate to people when they're feeling overwhelmed because our work load looks daunting (Andrew, our leader did warn us that we would feel overwhelmed...they did that on purpose apparently!), and understanding that feeling, it helped me to be able to get a couple of them settled down and focusing on the work that is most important rather than watching them drown in a pool of despair.

     The most important lessons of this week I learned, were while we were fasting. We went from lunch time to breakfast the next morning, putting aside the distractions and all of our complaints and had some silence and solitude (we didn't have to be silent, we just couldn't talk to people, just God). It was quite difficult for me to focus for the first couple of hours, but eventually I was able to put off some of the different issues that I was having and was able to concentrate in reading my Bible. I began reading John 13, where Jesus washed all of his disciples' feet and then revealed to them which one of them would betray him that night.     

      But there was something that I just knew that I just had to learn from this passage. The act of servant leadership astounded me, but I had this inkling that there was more to this than what I was reading. Since I wasn't seeing it, I decided to go further in the forest that I was in, and stumbled upon a path which I followed until I came upon a bench that I ended up sitting upon. It was there that I had this "vision" (for lack of a better word), where Jesus was washing my feet right there on that bench and what really got me was the fact that he kept calling me Judas. There on a bench, I was convicted and humbled at the same time. His love is so great that he would wash the feet of his very own betrayer, knowing full well that it is because of Judas that he would suffer the most painful death. I realized something that has really opened my eyes to who I am in comparison to who Jesus is, and I wrote it in my journal:

"Jesus is washing my feet, 

Even though I've betrayed him.

He knows what I've done, yet he 

still chooses to wash me clean. 

He humbled himself for me so 

that I may experience true and 

unrelenting grace and mercy."

     It's amazing how much I've grown to understand more of God's love for me through this one class and I feel all the more at peace. I know that there are more hard times to come in this program, but I know that God's love is steadfast and eternal, and abide in that I will. 

     So we finished our first class with a 3 hour exam with 3 essays - I have to say that I'm very glad that that portion is over :)  And to top it all off, right after the test I was told that I had packages waiting for me!!! It felt like Christmas morning as I was opening these two amazing gifts. Mom...thank you so much for the food (don't worry, I do get fed over here - maybe a little too well!) and for your letter, I love it. Melissa Jackson, I do miss you!! I love the surprise gift, your amazing baking and beautiful jewellery were so special! So here's some shameless advertising just for you:New Fashioned Whispers :) 

     Thank you all for continuing to follow me on this journey and for praying for me and my friends here at Kaleo. I appreciate all of your love and for all of your time that you take to read my rambling blog.