Living Letters: March 2012

It's been an interesting 4 days to say the least. Emotions have gone from one end of the spectrum to the other, but I believe that I am doing better.

Sunday was a beautiful and simple day...we enjoyed the day at church and the lunch we spent with one of our elderly friends from the church. We were excited and preparing for our camping trip to Mystic Beach (Along the Juan de Fuca trail) and packed right after dinner.
Around 8, all us girls were called together in a room. We were told the news.
It hit me, hard. We were in shock, on our knees crying and praying. Praying for understanding, praying because we needed to be with God, not questioning but rather laying out our finiteness and need for everything to have reason.
It was quite overwhelming for me to experience this much grief...I had never even met Meghan, and yet there I was on my knees. I was faced with the fact of the finality of death and the events that occur.
I have not been sheltered from the truth about death, yet this was something that went deeper than all my other experiences. I can't quite explain it, but spending almost 8 months together builds a bond that goes deeper than most friendships. You experience everything with everyone and it was no different with this. All of us were struggling, all of us were grappling with God's good will. Already we had one other student leave permanently due to issues that needed to be dealt with at home (health issues) and now this not too long afterwards.
It was hard for me in the way that Meghan was 20 and Keith just turned 19...their age difference is similar that of Elliot and I. There was a new perspective that it could have been me.
But being in this setting, all of us going through this process, we were able to come together - worship, pray and cry. We were able to just be together and not need to ask each other how we felt or provide words, because we were going through it in a similar way.

I didn't want to go on the camping trip after that, but I was persuaded that it was for the best...only God would give us this time, to come together away from other distractions and from dwelling on the pain too much.
It turned out to be exactly what everyone needed, and then some.

Tanner hiked in with his guitar...dedication

We drove out 2 hours to the Juan de Fuca Trail and hiked about 5 km in to Mystic beach. The weather was not too pleasant for us on Monday and Tuesday - we experienced everything from rain to snow to hail and then back again. But we were able to get the tents set up and somewhat of a fire going.

Welcome to Tentcity

Trying to keep warm in the snow!

Beautiful B.C.

We didn't really do much while we were there. We spent most of the time trying to light a fire with wet wood, try not to inhale all the smoke that the wet wood created, and make food. When we had time for actual activities, we played some leadership games, did devos, had some solo time and debriefed a little more from our mission trips. I am glad that we didn't really have too much planned - it was good to just have some time to pray alone and just be at peace with where we were.

Beautiful sunny B.C.

Tuesday night, the sun finally came out as it was setting, so we got to witness some beauty among the cold.

We were thankful for the time that we had at Mystic Beach, though now we are so glad to be back in our nice warm and dry beds.

God has brought me through a journey already. Emotionally I've been all over the map (though that's usually the case anyways!), but He's pushing me towards something greater...in the sense that I must realize and count the cost and realize that Christ is worth it.
On that Sunday morning, there was a song on the radio that we were listening to, and I realized that it tied in to everything that God has been impressing upon me, it's called The Cost and it's a reminder that I don't need safety, I need Jesus.
I'm pulled back to Matthew 10:37-39. I cannot hold my family above that of my faith, because it's my faith that gives me life, a life spent praising God in His presence.

We still don't know anymore details except that the funeral was either yesterday or the day before that - Keith is coming back, not quite sure when but we're assuming for the next class (Christian Worldview) which starts on Monday. He's apparently handling it well - staying strong for his family, we're just praying that he grieves well in his own way.
Thank you to those who have been praying for him and the rest of us, I means so much to me.

Here are a little more pictures from the trip:

Trying not to get soaked!

Future roommates @ Briercrest

God is always here with us...here's the proof :)

Have you ever felt that sometimes words were never enough, or that your lack of words were never enough?
This is basically how I can express what it felt like to be there - what it felt like to be inadequate and yet still try to have an impact. I am not saying this as something that makes me less of who I am (which was something that I was struggling with while there), but something that is realistic, something that I could not do well at all despite the fact that I had previous experience in this field. Spanish was one of my favourite classes in high school, one that I enjoyed and really wanted to do well in...yet that class was two years ago, which is too much time to recall anything more than just the basics.

The view of the church from our room

The Bible institute (which also looks like our
building that we stayed in )

We spent two weeks in the San Quintin Valley in Baja California in a little country town called El Papalote. We stayed with a mission called Northern Light Ministries whose primary focus is on the indigenous people, or as we would like to call them, first nations. The indigenous people flood in during the summer harvest and NLM works with some of them, working with and through the different dialects that are found all around the area, proceeding then to teach them about Christ and to trust Him. If or when there is a commitment, most of these disciples are then trained in NLM's Bible school so that they can go back to their tribes and teach about Christ and His sacrifice for them. NLM also trains current pastors because there are almost no pastors who have any kind of Biblical training, and therefore NLM is providing these people with the opportunity, and the responsibility for them to shepherd their people well as God has commanded them to.
Dwight and Sarah Hires were our mission leaders, they retired from pastoral work in Oregon and have been in Papalote for two years currently and are the parents of one of the staff here (whose kids I get to babysit quite often!). They were an amazing blessing to have while we were there - though they've been there for an extended period of time, they still struggle with the language and the cultural differences, and yet they don't let that interfere with the work that God has placed before them. They kept reminding us that it's not the tasks that we came to accomplish, it's the relationships, it's the work that God is doing here - this is why you are here.

We had a plan, no schedule. We were told to be flexible and to have good attitudes. We were told not to come with expectations, but a knowledge that God is going to do something great in our lives in the lives of those whom we work with. We were told a lot of things, but nothing could have prepared me for the experience that I had down in Mexico. Before the trip had started, we were to arrange which of us would be leading different events while we were there. There was two children's events, two youth events, feeding food to school children, and some construction work. I was put in charge of a valentines children's event, where we would be taking care of the children while the church would be having a dinner for the couples. This is what I was fearful of before I had left for the trip, I had this fear that I could not measure up to the expectations of those who I would be working with, or that I would be able to communicate to the kids down there in the same way that I do here.

We made it to Mexico safely, slept 12 hours the first night due to our long 24 hours of travelling - we ferried, drove 3 hours to seattle, took a flight to San Diego then drove 6 hours to Papalote, we almost had the planes, trains and car thing going, but unfortunately the whole train business just didn't work for us :). Anyways, almost right away we were put to work, digging up dirt and rocks and filling in potholes...yep, we came 2,561 kilometres just to put some dirt in a hole. Well actually we were building community with each other, learning to work with the people in our group and learning to get to know Richard, who was one of the Mexicans that Dwight had working with us. Although it didn't feel like we were doing much, Dwight kept reminding us that we were not there to complete tasks, that was not our objective for being there. Rather we were there to build the Body of Christ through our relationships with one another and the relationships that we would develop throughout the duration of our trip, and seeing why God had actually brought us there.
After that first day, we met together, excited and yet discouraged after the time that we had during the day trying to get to know Richard...since I was the only one with any sort of Spanish, everyone was trying to communicate through me and I was becoming more and more frustrated when I couldn't understand what he was saying or I could translate properly. The language barrier was going to be a very high and difficult obstacle for us, this we knew and yet we were determined with God's help to work around it. We knew that God can work in all things and the gospel can reach through all barriers - He wanted (He didn't need us to do it) us to be those who witnessed the gospel, who showed what it meant to live as Christ.

Trevor and Pastor Francisco work together on the wall for Pastor Ramon

With our need to witness in mind, the next day rolled around - the day of block laying. Ramon is one of the Mexican pastors who had been dealing with being robbed for a while and because of his worry, he wasn't sleeping at night because every time the dog barked, he was alert. This family of 5 needed security for their home so our team set to work to learn the from the master block layer in the town (Julian - who isn't pictured) and build a wall and relationships. We were able to complete the brick laying by the end of the two weeks, and it was really awesome to hear the stories of the guys who worked on it the entire time, they were inspired by the men that the had the opportunity to work with and were able, with the few words that they had learned and the little english that the mexicans knew, to learn more about each other and how God has worked in their lives.

The completed cement slab!!

We also worked to build a concrete slab for one of the missionaries who was a mechanic and needed a space to work. I have to say that it was quite an experience working with Dwight during these two weeks. For instance, he would give us instructions then take off...leaving us to guess what he actually wanted. It was quite comical and Dwight knew that he wasn't the best at giving clear commands, but we eventually learned that we needed to keep him in place long enough just so that we could get the instructions clearly enough for us to do the job well though it took a few tries to get it right.

Keith and Matthew with little Mario

Stacey and Nadia

We had a blast at the first children's event - which was a valentines dinner for the church couples. We rented a bouncy castle and played with the kids all night, playing soccer, giving them piggyback rides, getting the hair braided, etc. There were probably about 30ish kids that came and most of them didn't even have parents at the dinner, they just saw a bunch of white kids playing with their friends so they joined the fun. The event started at 5 and was supposed to end at 9:30 - but the couples were in no rush to be done and 11 o'clock came around and finally the night was finished and most of the kids who had stuck around were basically asleep. But the thing about this was that we didn't mind that the parents had taken so long to finish up - apparently it is a cultural thing for couples to not show any public displays of affection and yet here they were, the gruff men getting all red while they were telling their wives what they loved about them, singing them love songs and kissing them...which shocked Dwight, who has never seen them doing anything like this before. But we felt that it was a little thing for us to watch and play with the kids while the parents had an opportunity to affirm their relationship before everyone else.
We also went to a ranch (which we would call a farm), one of the largest ranches in the San Quintin Valley called Los Piños. And this ranch is one of the very few that provides daycare for their workers and we were invited by one of the ladies who attends the church that we were working with to come to the daycare. The incredible thing about this place is there has never been any gringos (or white people) on this ranch before. We were going to be the first gringos there...ahh!! There were 80 children in this place split into 3 groups: babies in cribs, toddlers in diapers, and toddlers without. I got to be in the baby room, which I thought would be a restful time...when in fact it was something quite hard for me. These children sit in cribs, without any toys for hours at a day. The caretakers often just watch the kids and only take them out to feed them, change their diaper or to quiet them if they're crying. There is no interaction, no nurturing for these children - and my heart broke for these babies.
The one thing that I came to understand through this time at Los Piños was that Mexicans believe that the gods are angry at them, and therefore have put a limit on the amount of joy, peace, love, etc. in the world. Thus when they are happy, they can only be happy for a little time, because they would be taking away from someone else's chance at happiness. Therefore they only have 2 things to look forward to in life: hard work and death. This also applies to the children, which is what broke my heart. Though, I was thankful that I had the opportunity to love those children in the two times that I was there and I pray that something changes , and I know that it's only God who can do such a profound work in their lives.

The crew (+ Addi - in the green, one of our friends)

Throughout the two weeks, we had surreal experiences. We formed really close bonds with the missionaries that we worked with, and had friendships with the locals there. We got to feed the local school children and then spend their lunch times playing with them...which was so much fun!! We were still struggling with the language barrier and wondering how we could be more of a witness for Christ but we were still unified in our group - we had a purpose in mind and petty arguments we not going to get in the way despite how tired we were during the day.
The first day there, it rained - which happens approximately 4 times in the year. And with that rain came a promise: the rainbow. God would not abandon us despite our struggles - He has been there before we were, He is still there and He will continue to be there long after we have left.

The promise in the rainbow

It was this that kept me going, even though there were times were I was done speaking, I was done trying to translate - I was tired, but I didn't want anyone to know that I couldn't help them. I didn't want to admit that my words were not enough. Yet God was reminding me that I needed to learn to love without the words - I needed to depend on Him and His promises for His creation.

God was still teaching me when our group was spending time with the youth, picking up garbage for a youth event (Papalote is quite a trash can I must say!) - we loaded up the garbage into a trailer and carried it off to the garbage dump, which probably the first dump that I've ever been to that has a view as beautiful as this one. But the surprising thing about this dump is that people actually live in the dump - going through it, trying to find scraps to feed themselves and their family. We brought sandwiches with us so that we could feed those who were there - hoping to provide them with a little something. We were able to find a couple of people pretty easily, but then we had to go looking for more, and me and a couple of younger youth went to do so. And we found one man who I will never forget, "Dios es Bueno" he said as he received the sandwich with blackened hands, "God is good". Something so simple and yet almost brought me to tears. All I had to do was go looking for this man - God had put him there, I just needed to find him. And as I stared out into the sunset with garbage that went for miles, I realized that only God could make something like a garbage dump so beautiful and hold so much value.

Basura Bonita (Beautiful Trash)

What's amazing to us, was how God provided for our trip financially...we actually raised $1600 dollars more than required and we came out with an extra $500 dollars in our food budget which we were able to donate to NLM!! With the extra money we had raised, we were able to go out and provide different people with things that would help them and bless them in different ways. For instance, we were able to purchase a bed for a blind elderly couple in a church who were sleeping on the floor and had no money to provide for themselves. We also were able to buy two bikes for a family with 4 kids - seeing as bikes were often the most popular transportation, it was neat to see how excited they were to receive the bikes and how good it felt to thank the kids that helped us throughout the two weeks, not needing us to speak any spanish, but rather just needing our friendship.

The bed!!

All but two of the group got sick during this trip, but thankfully it wasn't anything dangerous or worse than what we had. Though one of the guys (to protect his self-esteem) was the only one who got the shot for travellers diarrhea, and unfortunately he was the only one who ended up having "wolfgang" - the term we used for it :) I was sick for about a day and a half with shivers, which we determined was from the daycare - but thankfully no one else got it.
After all that, Dwight and Sarah wanted us to experience a little more of Papalote, so on the Sunday's, when everyone had the day off we got to spend time at the beach and got to climb a volcano, which was definitely a first for me!!

A day at the beach!

The volcano hikers!

All in all this trip was an amazing experience. I grew to love the people that I came to know - I learned about their stories through Dwight and Sarah and realized my own desire to know these people's stories from their own perspective. I wanted to be able to tell them how much their joy was inspiring to me, because they had come to realize the hope and the unlimited love and joy that faith in God has. They knew the truth and they lived it out, and were still thankful for the witness that we brought with us.
Their faith was real and unhindering, which was so incredible to us as a group. They would hear the Word preached in the services and would realize that it was specifically for them and come forth, realizing that they needed a Saviour because the life that they had amounted to nothing without the promise of Christ.

I learned about how much God does not need me. I cannot do anything worthwhile, I am incapable, unwilling and completely powerless to make a difference. Why would I come all the way from Canada to Papalote just to realize that there wasn't anything that I could do to impact the people here? Yet God was teaching me that I was coming alongside Him, like a father bringing his child to work, showing him the different things that he had done, the things that he was currently doing and the things that he will do...that is why we were there: to be in awe of how God works in His Church. And believe me when I say I was indeed in awe when I realized the purpose of my being there.
We make friendships, and indeed had an impact because of the time took to get to know those whom we were working with, playing with and speaking to - but this is not really because of our doing, but rather because of God, and to Him be the glory for ever and ever.

Now with having left behind Mexico, and the people that I have come to love. I have realized how much I want to be a part of that ministry, how much I want to go back and work with those people and help them bring the gospel to their own tribes. I have been considering Northern Light Ministries Internship - which I would be working with the mission more or less on a long term basis. I am not making any decisions and I am not anxious about this at all, knowing that God will provide a way for me to come back if that is where He wants me. But I just humbly ask that you pray that I seek God in all aspects of this process, wanting only what His will is for me in this.

I thank you for praying for me, for safety and for boldness. It was all there, I was never fearful of our situation and our team experienced some amazing things on this trip and we knew that we were having many people praying for us because of how much we learned and how our team didn't fall apart, but rather through our unity, Dwight noticed how much we relied on God's support rather than our own strength to get us through the tiring times. We thank you for your willingness to pray for us, we appreciate it.

I thank you to those who donated financially, I could not have had this experience without your support and I am extremely thankful and praise God for your willingness to provide above and beyond all expectations. With your gift we were able to provide a home with more security, provide couples the chance to grow in their relationship, help the current missionaries with their homes and work places, feed the local school children, spend time in a daycare providing love and attention to those children, encourage the youth in the church in their relationships with one another and with God, provide a bed and bikes to those who needed it, and scholarships for future students in the Bible school and in the english classes. There was so much that God did through us and I cannot thank you enough for your generosity.

Thank you!!

Here's some more pictures of our trip!