{From a Kaléo Graduate}

   The year is now over. I am officially a graduate from the Briercrest Kaleo 8 month program. The last couple weeks were filled with interviews, school work and prep work for the final days. I was constantly being asked, "What did you enjoy about your year? What are your fondest memories? What would you tell others about this program? What are your plans for the summer?" and so on and so forth. 
   Yet the problem is, I am trying to sum up a life-changing year into something that will not lose the attention of the other person. I am always tempted to tell them, "you have to be there to experience it". And in a way, that is what it comes down to. No one will understand fully what we've all been through: The struggles, the triumphs, the laughter and tears. As hard as I tried this year to provide the stories and the different aspects of life here on the island, I know that there was so much more that could have been said, and still there would be no real comprehension. 


But in the same way, this year is not about what people cannot understand, it's about what God is capable of doing when we are intentional about our learning and our actions. I've learned about how we are not called to be anything but faithful to who God is and hold fast to His promises and power in the times when we just cannot seem to see the end. I've learned to pray, the power of prayer and why we are called to prayer. I've learned the value of community and the need to have people who are learning and growing alongside you. 
I have learned to hold certain things with an open hand, while in the other, holding them with a closed fist (building of sound doctrine and letting go of the things that are not biblical but rather cultural beliefs). I have learned that I will always be learning. I have learned that I will always be growing. In fact there are some things that I have had to unlearn this year and as hard as that has been, I know that it leaves room for God to work in my life more richly.


It is weird being back home to be honest. It's almost like culture shock. I know that the year that I have had is not meant for only for the year that I took it, but rather for this upcoming year, and the one to follow and the one to follow after that...in fact it's a spring board for the rest of my life. I have seen the power of God work in so many ways, I know that He is truth and I know that He is good and sovereign. I have a whole life ahead of me and I know that this past year at Camp Qwanoes is not the be all and end all. In fact, I know that God has greater things in store for me and it starts with this summer and the adventures that await me here. 


For some of you who have been wondering and praying for our group while we were dealing with the death of Keith's sister, we found out last thursday that she took her own life. No one knows why, and they probably will never know. But to hear Keith's testimony was probably one of the greatest things that I have witnessed all year. He told us of how he saw God working in his family while he was home - his 11 year old brother needing to grow up quickly but developing a thirst for God's Word, his 13 year old sister who was the closest to Meghan was strong in her faith before, and after her world was flipped upside down, she re-evaluated her faith and clung on to what she knew was truth - God. His mom was always the one who was strong for everyone else, providing for others in their time of need. This time it was her grief and her indescribable pain that she need to be comforted and she allowed herself to be carried. That is where Keith's dad came in. Despite his own pain, he carried his wife and his family. He knew he had to lead, but he didn't know where, only that God was the one to lead them. At the funeral, he got up and started with, "God is good all the time, God is good all the time. I do not know how far I will get today, but I wanted to start with the most important things." 
God sustains this family and Keith. This we know and we see it so evidently. Despite their pain, God has a plan, a perfect and good plan for them and they know this. We know that we will see Meghan again, her faith was strong, she believed. I thank you for those who have been praying for us, God has had his hand in it and we build our strength from that.


God. 
He has been the reason for everything - not just in this year, but in everything. I do not know what I can say that can truly sum up what I've learned about Him this year. What I have come to understand is that I have learned less and less about Hims the more I spend in His Word and in His creation. What I mean by this is that my knowledge of Him grows, and that knowledge consists of His omnipotence, omnipresence, transcendency, omniscience, holiness. What I also mean is that I have no knowledge of what these are in their comparison to myself, all I know is that they are beyond my understanding - and therefore I have come to know less and less about God. I cannot put God in a box, nor can I fit Him in a church. He is here as much as He was on the island. 
I have grown in my thirst for scripture and my need to seek God on a daily basis. I am not perfect (my lack of communication definitely reflects that!) I have nothing to offer, my hands are empty. Yet little is much when God's in it, and I know that I am worth everything according to Christ despite what I lack. 


My thanks to you for supporting me on this journey cannot be given enough. All the letters, the cards, the finances, the phone calls, emails, prayers and thoughts have all been so very appreciated they gave me little pieces of home that I could take with me in my time at camp. 
I am excited to be home and am so ready to see what God has in store for everyone here. 


Our motto this past year was to "Step Out" with Isaiah 43:1-3 as our guide. Being a disciple in Christ, we are called to great things, but we need to give our apprehensions over to him and step out. We know that life is going to be hard, but we have God as our stronghold. 

"But now thus says the LORD, 

he who created you, O Jacob, 

he who formed you, O Israel: 

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by name you are mine. 

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

and through the rivers, they shall not 

overwhelm you;

when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, 

and the flame shall not consume you. 

For I am the LORD your God, 

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. 

I give Egypt as your ransom, 

Cush and Seba in exchange for you. 

We are loved by a great God, when we experience troubles in our life, we are not abandoned. We belong, we have a God who is personal and will stop at nothing to call you His own, His children, His beloved. 

Amen. 

When I've counted up the cost

  It's been an interesting 4 days to say the least. Emotions have gone from one end of the spectrum to the other, but I believe that I am doing better.

  Sunday was a beautiful and simple day...we enjoyed the day at church and the lunch we spent with one of our elderly friends from the church. We were excited and preparing for our camping trip to Mystic Beach (Along the Juan de Fuca trail) and packed right after dinner.
Around 8, all us girls were called together in a room. We were told the news.
It hit me, hard. We were in shock, on our knees crying and praying. Praying for understanding, praying because we needed to be with God, not questioning but rather laying out our finiteness and need for everything to have reason.
It was quite overwhelming for me to experience this much grief...I had never even met Meghan, and yet there I was on my knees. I was faced with the fact of the finality of death and the events that occur.
I have not been sheltered from the truth about death, yet this was something that went deeper than all my other experiences. I can't quite explain it, but spending almost 8 months together builds a bond that goes deeper than most friendships. You experience everything with everyone and it was no different with this. All of us were struggling, all of us were grappling with God's good will. Already we had one other student leave permanently due to issues that needed to be dealt with at home (health issues) and now this not too long afterwards.
It was hard for me in the way that Meghan was 20 and Keith just turned 19...their age difference is similar that of Elliot and I. There was a new perspective that it could have been me.
But being in this setting, all of us going through this process, we were able to come together - worship, pray and cry. We were able to just be together and not need to ask each other how we felt or provide words, because we were going through it in a similar way.

I didn't want to go on the camping trip after that, but I was persuaded that it was for the best...only God would give us this time, to come together away from other distractions and from dwelling on the pain too much.
It turned out to be exactly what everyone needed, and then some.

Tanner hiked in with his guitar...dedication

We drove out 2 hours to the Juan de Fuca Trail and hiked about 5 km in to Mystic beach. The weather was not too pleasant for us on Monday and Tuesday - we experienced everything from rain to snow to hail and then back again. But we were able to get the tents set up and somewhat of a fire going.

Welcome to Tentcity

Trying to keep warm in the snow!

Beautiful B.C.

We didn't really do much while we were there. We spent most of the time trying to light a fire with wet wood, try not to inhale all the smoke that the wet wood created, and make food. When we had time for actual activities, we played some leadership games, did devos, had some solo time and debriefed a little more from our mission trips. I am glad that we didn't really have too much planned - it was good to just have some time to pray alone and just be at peace with where we were.

Beautiful sunny B.C. 

Tuesday night, the sun finally came out as it was setting, so we got to witness some beauty among the cold.

We were thankful for the time that we had at Mystic Beach, though now we are so glad to be back in our nice warm and dry beds.

God has brought me through a journey already. Emotionally I've been all over the map (though that's usually the case anyways!), but He's pushing me towards something greater...in the sense that I must realize and count the cost and realize that Christ is worth it.
On that Sunday morning, there was a song on the radio that we were listening to, and I realized that it tied in to everything that God has been impressing upon me, it's called The Cost and it's a reminder that I don't need safety, I need Jesus.
I'm pulled back to Matthew 10:37-39. I cannot hold my family above that of my faith, because it's my faith that gives me life, a life spent praising God in His presence.

We still don't know anymore details except that the funeral was either yesterday or the day before that - Keith is coming back, not quite sure when but we're assuming for the next class (Christian Worldview) which starts on Monday. He's apparently handling it well - staying strong for his family, we're just praying that he grieves well in his own way.
Thank you to those who have been praying for him and the rest of us, I means so much to me.

Here are a little more pictures from the trip:

Trying not to get soaked! 

Future roommates @ Briercrest

God is always here with us...here's the proof :) 

You take broken things and turn them into beautiful

I have to know that God has a plan in all this. Psalm 18:30 talks about His way being perfect, His Word proving true, He is a shield for those taking refuge in Him. 

Tonight, around 8 we received news that one of the guys in our groups sister passed away. There was no lead up to it, she just died, we were not told any details. 

20 year old Megan. 

At this very moment she is in the presence of God, praising His name. She is home. We are not. 

He leaves tomorrow morning, while we continue on and go camping for 3 days in God's creation. 

It's really tough right now, but I am resting in the goodness of God. He has opened my heart to grieving, but am abiding in His love. 

I am going to be 20 this summer. 

My breaths are numbered. 

But every breath I breathe is not my own but God's. 

I beg you to be praying for us. Pray for my brother in Christ, for healing - and strengthening, for his parents as they have to make arrangements, for him as he deals with the loss of family and as he struggles with the questions more than we are, as they suffer may they persevere and find the peace and hope that we as children of the risen Lord have. 

Please also be praying for the rest of us, that we may be in God's creation and remember His glorious deeds in the days of old. That we can be strengthened in this and be the family that our brother needs in this time. 

Hope. That is what we cling to. 

Thank you. 

(I just want to honour him and his family, so I am not mentioning his name at this present time as all of his family has not been contacted yet) 

The Promise in the Rainbow

     Have you ever felt that sometimes words were never enough, or that your lack of words were never enough?
This is basically how I can express what it felt like to be there - what it felt like to be inadequate and yet still try to have an impact. I am not saying this as something that makes me less of who I am (which was something that I was struggling with while there), but something that is realistic, something that I could not do well at all despite the fact that I had previous experience in this field. Spanish was one of my favourite classes in high school, one that I enjoyed and really wanted to do well in...yet that class was two years ago, which is too much time to recall anything more than just the basics.

The view of the church from our room

The Bible institute (which also looks like our
building that we stayed in )

   We spent two weeks in the San Quintin Valley in Baja California in a little country town called El Papalote. We stayed with a mission called Northern Light Ministries whose primary focus is on the indigenous people, or as we would like to call them, first nations. The indigenous people flood in during the summer harvest and NLM works with some of them, working with and through the different dialects that are found all around the area, proceeding then to teach them about Christ and to trust Him. If or when there is a commitment, most of these disciples are then trained in NLM's Bible school so that they can go back to their tribes and teach about Christ and His sacrifice for them. NLM also trains current pastors because there are almost no pastors who have any kind of Biblical training, and therefore NLM is providing these people with the opportunity, and the responsibility for them to shepherd their people well as God has commanded them to.
Dwight and Sarah Hires were our mission leaders, they retired from pastoral work in Oregon and have been in Papalote for two years currently and are the parents of one of the staff here (whose kids I get to babysit quite often!). They were an amazing blessing to have while we were there - though they've been there for an extended period of time, they still struggle with the language and the cultural differences, and yet they don't let that interfere with the work that God has placed before them. They kept reminding us that it's not the tasks that we came to accomplish, it's the relationships, it's the work that God is doing here - this is why you are here.

We had a plan, no schedule. We were told to be flexible and to have good attitudes. We were told not to come with expectations, but a knowledge that God is going to do something great in our lives in the lives of those whom we work with. We were told a lot of things, but nothing could have prepared me for the experience that I had down in Mexico. Before the trip had started, we were to arrange which of us would be leading different events while we were there. There was two children's events, two youth events, feeding food to school children, and some construction work. I was put in charge of a valentines children's event, where we would be taking care of the children while the church would be having a dinner for the couples. This is what I was fearful of before I had left for the trip, I had this fear that I could not measure up to the expectations of those who I would be working with, or that I would be able to communicate to the kids down there in the same way that I do here.

We made it to Mexico safely, slept 12 hours the first night due to our long 24 hours of travelling - we ferried, drove 3 hours to seattle, took a flight to San Diego then drove 6 hours to Papalote, we almost had the planes, trains and car thing going, but unfortunately the whole train business just didn't work for us :). Anyways, almost right away we were put to work, digging up dirt and rocks and filling in potholes...yep, we came 2,561 kilometres  just to put some dirt in a hole. Well actually we were building community with each other, learning to work with the people in our group and learning to get to know Richard, who was one of the Mexicans that Dwight had working with us. Although it didn't feel like we were doing much, Dwight kept reminding us that we were not there to complete tasks, that was not our objective for being there. Rather we were there to build the Body of Christ through our relationships with one another and the relationships that we would develop throughout the duration of our trip, and seeing why God had actually brought us there.
After that first day, we met together, excited and yet discouraged after the time that we had during the day trying to get to know Richard...since I was the only one with any sort of Spanish, everyone was trying to communicate through me and I was becoming more and more frustrated when I couldn't understand what he was saying or I could translate properly. The language barrier was going to be a very high and difficult obstacle for us, this we knew and yet we were determined with God's help to work around it. We knew that God can work in all things and the gospel can reach through all barriers - He wanted (He didn't need us to do it) us to be those who witnessed the gospel, who showed what it meant to live as Christ. 

Trevor and Pastor Francisco work together on the wall for Pastor Ramon

With our need to witness in mind, the next day rolled around - the day of block laying. Ramon is one of the Mexican pastors who had been dealing with being robbed for a while and because of his worry, he wasn't sleeping at night because every time the dog barked, he was alert. This family of 5 needed security for their home so our team set to work to learn the from the master block layer in the town (Julian - who isn't pictured) and build a wall and relationships. We were able to complete the brick laying by the end of the two weeks, and it was really awesome to hear the stories of the guys who worked on it the entire time, they were inspired by the men that the had the opportunity to work with and were able, with the few words that they had learned and the little english that the mexicans knew, to learn more about each other and how God has worked in their lives.

The completed cement slab!!

We also worked to build a concrete slab for one of the missionaries who was a mechanic and needed a space to work. I have to say that it was quite an experience working with Dwight during these two weeks. For instance, he would give us instructions then take off...leaving us to guess what he actually wanted. It was quite comical and Dwight knew that he wasn't the best at giving clear commands, but we eventually learned that we needed to keep him in place long enough just so that we could get the instructions clearly enough for us to do the job well though it took a few tries to get it right.

Keith and Matthew with little Mario

Stacey and Nadia 

We had a blast at the first children's event - which was a valentines dinner for the church couples. We rented a bouncy castle and played with the kids all night, playing soccer, giving them piggyback rides, getting the hair braided, etc. There were probably about 30ish kids that came and most of them didn't even have parents at the dinner, they just saw a bunch of white kids playing with their friends so they joined the fun. The event started at 5 and was supposed to end at 9:30 - but the couples were in no rush to be done and 11 o'clock came around and finally the night was finished and most of the kids who had stuck around were basically asleep. But the thing about this was that we didn't mind that the parents had taken so long to finish up - apparently it is a cultural thing for couples to not show any public displays of affection and yet here they were, the gruff men getting all red while they were telling their wives what they loved about them, singing them love songs and kissing them...which shocked Dwight, who has never seen them doing anything like this before. But we felt that it was a little thing for us to watch and play with the kids while the parents had an opportunity to affirm their relationship before everyone else.
We also went to a ranch (which we would call a farm), one of the largest ranches in the San Quintin Valley called Los Piños. And this ranch is one of the very few that provides daycare for their workers and we were invited by one of the ladies who attends the church that we were working with to come to the daycare. The incredible thing about this place is there has never been any gringos (or white people) on this ranch before. We were going to be the first gringos there...ahh!! There were 80 children in this place split into 3 groups: babies in cribs, toddlers in diapers, and toddlers without. I got to be in the baby room, which I thought would be a restful time...when in fact it was something quite hard for me. These children sit in cribs, without any toys for hours at a day. The caretakers often just watch the kids and only take them out to feed them, change their diaper or to quiet them if they're crying. There is no interaction, no nurturing for these children - and my heart broke for these babies.
The one thing that I came to understand through this time at Los Piños was that Mexicans believe that the gods are angry at them, and therefore have put a limit on the amount of joy, peace, love, etc. in the world. Thus when they are happy, they can only be happy for a little time, because they would be taking away from someone else's chance at happiness. Therefore they only have 2 things to look forward to in life: hard work and death. This also applies to the children, which is what broke my heart. Though, I was thankful that I had the opportunity to love those children in the two times that I was there and I pray that something changes , and I know that it's only God who can do such a profound work in their lives.

The crew (+ Addi - in the green, one of our friends) 

Throughout the two weeks, we had surreal experiences. We formed really close bonds with the missionaries that we worked with, and had friendships with the locals there. We got to feed the local school children and then spend their lunch times playing with them...which was so much fun!! We were still struggling with the language barrier and wondering how we could be more of a witness for Christ but we were still unified in our group - we had a purpose in mind and petty arguments we not going to get in the way despite how tired we were during the day.
The first day there, it rained - which happens approximately 4 times in the year. And with that rain came a promise: the rainbow. God would not abandon us despite our struggles - He has been there before we were, He is still there and He will continue to be there long after we have left.

The promise in the rainbow

It was this that kept me going, even though there were times were I was done speaking, I was done trying to translate - I was tired, but I didn't want anyone to know that I couldn't help them. I didn't want to admit that my words were not enough. Yet God was reminding me that I needed to learn to love without the words - I needed to depend on Him and His promises for His creation. 

God was still teaching me when our group was spending time with the youth, picking up garbage for a youth event (Papalote is quite a trash can I must say!) - we loaded up the garbage into a trailer and carried it off to the garbage dump, which probably the first dump that I've ever been to that has a view as beautiful as this one. But the surprising thing about this dump is that people actually live in the dump - going through it, trying to find scraps to feed themselves and their family. We brought sandwiches with us so that we could feed those who were there - hoping to provide them with a little something. We were able to find a couple of people pretty easily, but then we had to go looking for more, and me and a couple of younger youth went to do so. And we found one man who I will never forget, "Dios es Bueno" he said as he received the sandwich with blackened hands, "God is good". Something so simple and yet almost brought me to tears. All I had to do was go looking for this man - God had put him there, I just needed to find him. And as I stared out into the sunset with garbage that went for miles, I realized that only God could make something like a garbage dump so beautiful and hold so much value.

Basura Bonita (Beautiful Trash) 

What's amazing to us, was how God provided for our trip financially...we actually raised $1600 dollars more than required and we came out with an extra $500 dollars in our food budget which we were able to donate to NLM!! With the extra money we had raised, we were able to go out and provide different people with things that would help them and bless them in different ways. For instance, we were able to purchase a bed for a blind elderly couple in a church who were sleeping on the floor and had no money to provide for themselves. We also were able to buy two bikes for a family with 4 kids - seeing as bikes were often the most popular transportation, it was neat to see how excited they were to receive the bikes and how good it felt to thank the kids that helped us throughout the two weeks, not needing us to speak any spanish, but rather just needing our friendship. 

The bed!! 

All but two of the group got sick during this trip, but thankfully it wasn't anything dangerous or worse than what we had. Though one of the guys (to protect his self-esteem) was the only one who got the shot for travellers diarrhea, and unfortunately he was the only one who ended up having "wolfgang" - the term we used for it :) I was sick for about a day and a half with shivers, which we determined was from the daycare - but thankfully no one else got it.
After all that, Dwight and Sarah wanted us to experience a little more of Papalote, so on the Sunday's, when everyone had the day off we got to spend time at the beach and got to climb a volcano, which was definitely a first for me!!

A day at the beach!

The volcano hikers!

All in all this trip was an amazing experience. I grew to love the people that I came to know - I learned about their stories through Dwight and Sarah and realized my own desire to know these people's stories from their own perspective. I wanted to be able to tell them how much their joy was inspiring to me, because they had come to realize the hope and the unlimited love and joy that faith in God has. They knew the truth and they lived it out, and were still thankful for the witness that we brought with us.
Their faith was real and unhindering, which was so incredible to us as a group. They would hear the Word preached in the services and would realize that it was specifically for them and come forth, realizing that they needed a Saviour because the life that they had amounted to nothing without the promise of Christ.

I learned about how much God does not need me. I cannot do anything worthwhile, I am incapable, unwilling and completely powerless to make a difference. Why would I come all the way from Canada to Papalote just to realize that there wasn't anything that I could do to impact the people here? Yet God was teaching me that I was coming alongside Him, like a father bringing his child to work, showing him the different things that he had done, the things that he was currently doing and the things that he will do...that is why we were there: to be in awe of how God works in His Church. And believe me when I say I was indeed in awe when I realized the purpose of my being there.
We make friendships, and indeed had an impact because of the time took to get to know those whom we were working with, playing with and speaking to - but this is not really because of our doing, but rather because of God, and to Him be the glory for ever and ever.

Now with having left behind Mexico, and the people that I have come to love. I have realized how much I want to be a part of that ministry, how much I want to go back and work with those people and help them bring the gospel to their own tribes. I have been considering Northern Light Ministries Internship - which I would be working with the mission more or less on a long term basis. I am not making any decisions and I am not anxious about this at all, knowing that God will provide a way for me to come back if that is where He wants me. But I just humbly ask that you pray that I seek God in all aspects of this process, wanting only what His will is for me in this. 

I thank you for praying for me, for safety and for boldness. It was all there, I was never fearful of our situation and our team experienced some amazing things on this trip and we knew that we were having many people praying for us because of how much we learned and how our team didn't fall apart, but rather through our unity, Dwight noticed how much we relied on God's support rather than our own strength to get us through the tiring times. We thank you for your willingness to pray for us, we appreciate it. 

I thank you to those who donated financially, I could not have had this experience without your support and I am extremely thankful and praise God for your willingness to provide above and beyond all expectations. With your gift we were able to provide a home with more security, provide couples the chance to grow in their relationship, help the current missionaries with their homes and work places, feed the local school children, spend time in a daycare providing love and attention to those children, encourage the youth in the church in their relationships with one another and with God, provide a bed and bikes to those who needed it, and scholarships for future students in the Bible school and in the english classes. There was so much that God did through us and I cannot thank you enough for your generosity. 

Thank you!! 

Here's some more pictures of our trip! 

Riding on the back..no seatbelts!

Painting Dwight's house

Such a cute kid!! (Daycare boy)

What Mexican's consider a Caesar Salad

Volleyball with the youth

Poncho - awesome 13 year old who
can actually drive a car on his own!!

The whole group and then some

Bec and Itzel - it was her and poncho's
family that got the bikes.  

Finally Working!!

Another short post letting you know that the reason for me not posting anything in the past week is not because I don't want to, but rather due to the fact that my blog has not been working! So I finally got some emails sent, and now it's up and running...yay! Currently doing some homework so I will put up the Mexico post sometime later tonight or tomorrow morning!
Thanks for waiting my friends,
Marissa

I'm Home!

Just a super quick and short post just letting you all know that I'm safe at home. These past two weeks have been amazing, difficult yet still very encouraging. We arrived home yesterday and we have finally had a moment to breath and rest for a little while - so I'm holding off on the complete post about the trip probably until about tuesday once I catch up on a few things and have the ability to kind of put in to words what I want to illustrate for you all about our adventure in God's work. So thank you to all who prayed for us while we were down there, thank you to those who supported me financially...I can't wait to tell you all what happened!!! (There's a little suspense for you all!) 

¡Dios Les Bendiga!

God Bless you!

Perfect love casts out fear

I would be comfortable, uncomfortably comfortable.

This was my response to a questioned posed to me about prayer: If every prayer that I had prayed in the past week came true, what would happen? Would the world dramatically change? Would people turn towards God? Would the evil in human hearts diminish and compassion put in its place?
Nope. Instead it would be me that would be the comfortable one.
This is something that I've been chewing over for a while now and realized that I feel more connected to God's global mission when I chose to pray for things that don't involve me at all, or some things that I don't fully comprehend. Trying to see the world in the way that Christ would see it has proven a lot more difficult than I had anticipated and much more heart-breaking than I realized it would be. I'm a part of this broken world, I'm human and I make mistakes, I'm stubborn and I hate change, I find forgiveness hard and the healing process even harder.  A song called, "Jesus, Friend of sinners" and has a line in the lyrics that goes: "Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers". I find myself quick to judge someone and then slow to realize how blatantly I've disregarded their life not to be a life that God is working in too.

But once again, God is patiently waiting for me. He's got His hand out, ready to show me the different things that I would miss if I continued to be as arrogant as I deem myself to be. For example, this past friday I had absolutely no desire whatsoever to go to our youth group that night. I was using the excuses that I was worn down from Camp and Youth Ministry class that we'd just wrapped up and that no one would be there anyways and that it just wouldn't be a success because we had absolutely nothing planned.
For you see, the previous week for youth, we brought nerf guns and had a nerf gun war. The three of us leaders thought that this would be the best thing ever, but our two guys thought otherwise seeing as they got bored within the first hour. It's been a struggle having only 2 guys who are very much ADD in the youth group because we're limited to so little, but it was this friday night that God gave me a little kick in the pants and showed me how funny He really can be when I choose to be stubborn.
We had settled on watching a movie (lamest plan ever, but we were desperate!) and set out to Lake Cowichan Baptist church. However, on the way there we drove by a firehall - we drive by this firehall every time, but it was this time that Nancy had the brilliant idea that we should ask if we could have a tour! Pretty exciting stuff, till we found out that the Chief was in Victoria and couldn't give us a tour, but now we have his email address and an invitation to visit again...that's going to be one awesome youth night :) Anyways, so we're now at church waiting for the boys and we're back to square zero of having an adventurous night.
Yet the unexpected happened. The boys came in and the mom was talking about a medical emergency that they had to attend to before coming here. Worried I asked what happened and Nate, the younger of the two (he's 14 I believe) revealed the evidence in a small tupperware container: 3 premature baby mice. Yep, 3 premature baby mice - you read that right. Apparently one of their cats killed a pregnant mouse and he realized that the babies could still be saved so he performed a c-section on the dead mother mouse with a kitchen knife (yep you're also reading this right!) and actually managed to get them out and save them.
They were so tiny and helpless, you could actually see their beating hearts through the skin! Nancy and Jon apparently were thinking that they wouldn't make it through to the end of the night, but I was hoping for a little more. It wasn't until Nate said that He prayed to Jesus that He would save them did I pray a little more earnestly that they wouldn't die - seeing as I didn't feel that I should be the one to talk about death and life to him. But I also felt myself praying for something different here, I was praying that God would speak to Nate through these 3 babies and that I could be there to help him if I could.
So we googled how to take care of premature mice and set out to make them more warmer and did the little that we could with the resources that we had available. Throughout the night as we were watching the movie I kept noticing how attentive Nate was to the mice and how much he wanted to make sure that they were ok. What also surprised me was that those 3 mice started moving and squeaking, there was one mouse in particular which I thought was the weakest one but he was the first to make a sound and moved the most which I thought was remarkable.
By the end of the night I was basically speechless with what God had taught me. While I was stubborn in my unwillingness to go, I discovered a gift that God would teach me only through someone like Nate:
There is hope. Hope is never lost. By the end of the night I thought that those mice could make it at least through the first night maybe even the weekend - they could experience life and compassion from a boy all the more willing to care for them. I knew Nate was a sweet kid but I hadn't been expecting something so profound to come from such an incident as a cat killing a mouse. He took the time to notice and was able to keep life going.
Another thing that struck me led me back to Matthew 6:26. If God cares for the tiniest of mice,

how much more therefore are we?

God is so good! In so many ways, and also currently in preparation for our missions trip. Recently I've been expressing my fear to God about Mexico and not feeling that I can do this at all. Thankfully God has assured me that I can't do it at all...fantastic (there was a little bit of a sarcastic ring to that when I figured that out.), yet He told me to not fear. 1 John 4:18 talks about perfect love casting out fear. I realized that I hadn't been relying enough on Him and His perfect love in my life, and now that I am beginning to understand, I'm currently trying to figure out how to let go entirely of myself and cling to God...I let you know what happens if I can.


How much more therefore...

Prayer

Hey everyone!! 

Haven't heard from me in a while and I apologize, I keeping meaning to, but as I've learned: sometimes just having the intentions doesn't mean that it's going to get done so I'm making myself sit just for a moment or two. 

Things have been as they have almost always been basically since the beginning of the program, busy. I don't mind it at all, in fact I quite enjoy it now --- it keeps me, well, busy (I know, I'm just so original in my word choice!) it gives me a glimpse of how reality is and how I desperately need discipline in order to get things done. And to start off the month of February I've decided to do a "1,000". I heard about this through Erin, our Assistant Kaleo leader that some people she knew would do a thousand push-ups in a month, a thousand…(you fill in the blanks). There was one guy who decided to do 1,000 prayers in one month and this was something that peaked my interest, because I know that my prayer life was lacking when it should be the strongest discipline that I have because it's my conversation with God. So I decided that this month of February, the month of missions (We had theology of missions class, we went to missions fest, and are going on a 2 week missions trip in 8 days) I would attempt at this 1,000 prayers in 29 days. And so far I haven't really been super successful (oh dear, my poor intentions!!). However I've come to learn the immense value of prayers and how much more quickly I resort to speaking to God wherever I am - while eating, reading, just getting out of bed, having  a conversation or just doing nothing at all (when I probably should be doing homework or something along those lines…). God has been ever patient with me during this process and He's been gracious in His answer to my prayers. I'm still attempting to reach my goal by the end of the month, but I'm hoping by then that I won't even need to count, because my prayers will never cease. 

As an example of an answered prayer, I know which program I am going to do at Briercrest: Christian Ministry with a concentration in Childhood studies, with a roommate who is going to be doing the exact same program as me which I find to be such an amazing gift and I can't wait… oh how God's work can be so simple but still so wondrous!! As for my summer, I will be coming home - I will not be working full-time as a core staff here at Camp Qwanoes. What lies ahead for my summer, I haven't quite figured out, but I am really looking forward to coming home and being able to see family (including Amy in June!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and friends. There's a few jobs lined up so I'm just continuing to wait on God and see Him work, because I know He's the only one who will provide. 

I have also mentioned going to on a missions trip in 8 days. I know I haven't spoken much about that due to the fact that I didn't even have much information, but now that it's almost here, I will be heading to Papalote, Mexico (so small you can't find it on Google maps - I tried…it doesn't even exist!! Just kidding!). Our crew, which is 8 people plus our leader are heading down to do who knows what! The schedule is extremely flexible and we are prepared to what is needed, but as of right now I will be leading one children's event (for 50-70 kids), and helping out with two other events that will be happening. We're not building anything because we've learned that Mexicans with a "bigger" or "more expensive" house actually get taxed more, so we will be doing renovations for the locals there. We're going to be staying in a local college that trains young people to be leaders and pastors and working with them to reach out to the community. I am very excited, and though I am not sure what to expect what is going to go on, I know that with whatever happens, God's got it under control - I prefer that idea over the fact of having anyone else in control!

So I'm just asking you to pray for me and my crew which includes: Kathleen, Stacey, Alisha, Michael, Keith, Trevor, Matthew and Bec our leader. Please be praying for safe travel and health. But most importantly please be praying for us as we join in God's mission for His people in Papalote, that we may find delight in whatever we do, that we will be a light while working together as the Body of Christ, showing the love of our Father to those who so desperately need it. Also, please be praying for "lighthouse ministries" (which is the organization that we will be working under while there) as they open up their ministry to us and allow us to come alongside them - please pray that we can be a blessing to them and that God will continue to provide for them in ways that even they cannot comprehend. 


Time is slowly winding down here in the last 2 1/2 months of the program, and I'm looking forward to the last moments that we as a crew have together and relishing in the goodness of God in what He has for me right now through the relationships that I've developed, the lessons that I've learned and the joy that I've experienced. I love it here and I'm so thankful that I didn't miss this opportunity, so thank you to those who have continued to support me throughout my time here - God has definitely used you to speak into my life and I can only just say thanks for everything you've done. 


Guess it's time to get back to paper writing...I just wanted to say thanks :) 

Where I experience God's Amazing Grace

  Right now I have "Beautiful Things" by Gungor on repeat and just been reflecting on God's faithfulness in my life. There's not much I can say but I'm not the way that I am on my own accord, but rather it's God who has been working in my life piece by piece and keeping my heart soft so that I may continue to grow closer to Him in His presence. No matter how far away I try to go from Him, I will always be in the palm of His hand.
  I am the farthest from perfect, there are others who understand God's love and God's grace  more than I, who are more bold and unashamed to proclaim what they believe and who are quicker to receive those who are considered, "unwanted". But God is not done with me yet, and I know that He will bring me to completion at the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6).
This is the kind of thing that I have been learning over the past week, and I've been encouraged throughout it all.
 

Snowshoeing

  Last week we were up on Mount. Washington spending 5 days snowboarding, snowshoeing and skiing. The first two days for me (we had a choice of which activities to do each day) was snowboarding and I was actually surprised that I was able to get off the chairlift several times without falling (unfortunately I think that I still need to work on my finesse...but let's not get too out of hand here!). That was quite fun as I was attempting to teach myself how to carve, yet I wasn't able to accomplish that particular skill during those first two days and though it resulted in quite a lot of wipeouts I fortunately was not too injured by the time wednesday rolled around. And on wednesday we went to another nearby rental place where we got our snowshoes! What's really cool about Mount Washington is that it is in the same area as Mt. Albert-Edwards - where we had our first hiking trip! So it was cool to see the mountain while we were boarding and realize how far we had come since then. So while we were shoeing around, we realized that we had hiked these trails before...only without all the snow, so that was really special for us to come back to that place as think about the growth that we've experienced throughout these past months. After that expedition, we headed back to the chalet that we were staying in and had an awesome time at chapel. What was particularly special about this night was that I was feeling quite empty - so I basically tried to ignore it and focus on how others were doing. But I know that there are times when God feels far away and yet that's when He's actually the closest, He brings those times so that we become hungry and thirsty for Him. This was one of those times where I was yearning for my cup to be filled so that I could reach to those around me. Funny thing was, during worship, "you are my all in all" was requested and in the song, these lyrics came up: "when I am dry you fill my cup". And that is exactly what God did.
  So after worship, Andrew decided that the next two nights would be edifying each other and so going down the list, one by one we would sit in the middle and have people speak words of encouragement and appreciation. On wednesday night I didn't sit in the middle, but it brought me so much joy to watch each person being loved upon and having things said about them that others didn't really notice. God was truly making my heart glad and making my cup overflow! What's more, after chapel everyone headed down to have a snack, while I just sat, thanking God for His goodness -while God was telling me to go and encourage Andrew. The next thing I knew Andrew came and found me and rather than me saying what God had put on my heart, Andrew said what God had put on his heart. Andrew being a first time father expressed his desire for his baby girl to grow up to be a woman with compassion, love for God, beauty and a servant heart. "I want my daughter to be like you Marissa" is what he said to me, me:*cue the water works* (yes I did cry, a lot ). So thank you mom and dad for loving me and teaching about the love and discipline of my Father. That was a powerful night, where without any effort on my part God far surpassed everything imaginable.

Boarding buddies!

  So after that awesome night, thursday was next up to bat. I wasn't feeling too well but still wanted to get outside. But after a couple runs I headed back to the chalet for some rest. It was only after I had emptied my stomach was I feeling up to hang out with the others who were either injured or just not up to getting outside. I have to say I wouldn't have had those talks if I was up on the hill so I pretty excited for that though I would've loved to get outside. However thursday was another night of encouragement, which was still as good as the night before (and it was also my turn to be in the middle). And when Friday rolled around, I was super excited to be back out, especially since it was a blizzard outside which meant a ton of snow!! So to sum up the day I was actually able to carve - which turned out to be not as hard as I thought that it was, and almost went down a black diamond run rather than a green run - that could've ended much worse than it did :) But I made it out and had a blast doing it. Though we did have one major-ish injury, Tessa had wipeout pretty rough and the first aid responders weren't sure whether or not she had torn a ligament or if it was a high ankle sprain. Apparently Bec (our intern) was actually more worried than Tessa was, and Tessa wasn't actually in a ton of pain so we were pretty grateful for that.  And thus after that episode, we basically packed up and headed back to camp.

And now, we've had a few days off to get started on our theology of missions homework and to recover which has been really nice because it's given us some time to really think about what's going to go on next year. It's almost set in stone, but I will be doing my B.A. in Christian Ministry with a concentration in Childhood studies at Briercrest next year - so I'm pretty pumped about that! Yet I am still working on what's going to happen during the summer, though right now I would absolutely love to stay here for 4 1/2 more months and see what God has in store for this camp but I cannot say that it is set in stone.
But what I do know it that our crew is leaving on thursday morning for the mainland to spend it at Missions Fest!! So very excited for that as we will be staying at a church and spending thursday touring around Vancouver (hmm...something that I've never done before!) and then both friday and saturday going to be filled with sessions and seminars!! So I'm looking forward to be seeing people and learning more about God's global mission...stoked!!
I think that this is all for now, adios amigos!

{Power}

  I've been back at camp for two weeks now, and I'm breathing in the fresh air, the space and the joy of being back. I love my mainland home with all my heart, but right now this is home to me, where I am discovering more than I could have ever dreamed and learning more things than I could have imagined. Maybe it's the freedom, maybe it's being challenged by my peers, just maybe I have finally taken a hold and discovered my faith on my own accord. Whatever it is, I am loving it here.
   Already we have completed a class, organized and ran a youth event and are currently packing for our upcoming ski/snowboarding trip (There seems to be a certain pattern with me and procrastinating with packing...oh well!). Our first class back from the holidays as a 2nd year course concerning the Pauline Epistles. I was really looking forward to this class as I have always wanted to learn more about the man who was Paul and his books. However, though this class was enjoyable because the teacher was fairly funny, it wasn't what any of us had expected. It was not really a fair comparison, but I guess we unconsciously compared this teacher, Carl with that of our Gospels teacher, Wes (who had a masters degree in the gospel of Matthew, so we learned so much from him). When we realized that all we were doing in class was reading the Bible out loud (we absolutely love reading the Good Book, don't misunderstand me, but it's something that we can do on our own time) we became a little frustrated and quite bored (a little ashamed to say so, but that's the truth) - it was hard to be in that class and it was even harder to produce any motivation for the papers that were due afterwards. But we got it done and I'm looking very much forward to the next class: Theology of Mission which is at the end of the month and where I am going to get a taste of the what might lay ahead at Briercrest in September (I haven't decided what program I'm getting in to quite yet and currently the choice rests between early childhood education and global studies).
   The next thing that happened on our schedule was the youth night. This was quite fun! We were in charge of certain parts of camp for one night and ran a night filled with worship, games, snacks and fun. I had the opportunity to work in registration and mug up (which is the camp lingo for night snack) which was a ton of fun with the people that I got to work with. Because I was a part of the kitchen staff for most of the night, I didn't really get the chance to see how the night went in its completion, but I have heard some awesome things from people who attended so I guess that I can dub it a success!!
   Currently we are preparing for a week long trip to Mt. Washington for some awesome times of fun and bonding (it's hard to think that we could get any closer, but apparently we can!). I got to snowboard for the very first time this winter (thanks Elliot for being an awesome teacher!) and so I am actually looking forward to this trip rather than dreading it, though I am expecting a few bumps and bruises and for sure a sore, sore body.
 
   There have been so many things that have been going on since I've been back, but the one thing that I have found is that it is so much easier to be me here. It was really good before the break, but the first 4 months was filled with trying to get to know everyone unlike this 2nd semester. It's just like a family of 21 people, brothers bugging the sisters and the sisters getting the brothers in trouble (Not that I have anything to do with that...), so there's so much here that I am truly thankful for and praise God completely with. There are some tough times, but because of that relationship we know that there is a deep love for one another to see each other being built up rather than being torn down.
   God has been so gracious to me in the times where I stumble, in the times where I'm confused and frustrated and just plain naive. Even during the Pauline Epistles, when I thought I wouldn't really learn anything I have learned one of the profound things that I think that I have learned thus far in the program.
    Acts 9:10-19 (Might want to read it before continuing) talks about a disciple named Ananias who was asked by God to lay hands upon Saul - a man who was persecuting Christianity, which was the exact faith in which Ananias followed. What struck me the most firstly was Ananias' response, like it's an everyday thing that God calls on him, "Here I am". That's something in which I need to do, even if it's only one time that God calls me to do something - "Here I am, send me" (Isaiah 6:8)
   What hit me next was even more profound. You see, Ananias probably prayed for Paul with the hope that the persecution would stop - yet it never occurred to him that maybe God would use him to answer that prayer. It was this very man who was never heard of before, or since, that brought Paul's sight back and baptized him...it was Ananias who laid hands on the murderer of his friends and called him brother.
 
   Recently I got a taste of what this is like though I didn't lay hands on a murderer. But rather I had the chance to be the answer to a prayer that was being prayed with an earnest heart. I have never felt so connected to the grace of God than that moment when I knew that I was 100% a part of God's Will for someone else. GOD IS SO GOOD! His power is more than what I have ever comprehended in my entire life, and it's slowly unfolding in front of my very eyes. I don't think that I have ever been so in love in my entire life! 

Yet there is always, always room for prayer, there's kind of been a little bit of spiritual warfare going on though I have not yet really had a full on attack. There have been some reoccurring nightmares (nightmares themselves are rare for me in general, let alone reoccurring) that I have been experiencing and they've been very gruesome and graphic, so that's kind of been a little frightening. So please be in prayer for me and the whole group, that no matter where we are, that God's protection be on our hearts and minds and that we don't rely on our own flesh to take on this battle, but rather on the power of the Living God.
  Also, another prayer is for my summer. I've had an offer of a full-time summer position here at camp in a leadership position and right now I'm not hearing anything concerning which path to take - whether to stay at camp for 4 more months (which means more fundraising and a possibility of a loan for Briercrest), or to go back to the mainland and work there. My desire is to follow what God's Will is, and I have had first hand experience that He will provide when the time comes - I just need to hear His voice so that I can respond with, "Here I am, send me"

I guess it's time to get back to packing!!

Love, Marissa

A New Year

    2012. Weird! As of right now, I am currently procrastinating my packing and passing the time trying to enjoy my last moments here at home (though I know that I would enjoy it more if I didn't have the whole packing thing looming over my head). However, I know that packing must come eventually so I'll keep this post short and (hopefully) sweet.
    It's a brand new year and I'm excited for the things that God has planned for me in the upcoming months. I head back to Kaleo tomorrow and start a fresh with new expectations and new challenges, though I must admit I'm a little nervous about the challenges. But these past few weeks that I've had at home have been good for me...keeping me busy, and further forcing me out of the bubble that I had currently occupied while at school.
    Being at home was not what I had expected, but I was so thankful for my family and my dear friends that I got to spend my time with. I have sorely missed this community and I though I feel that this holiday has been too quick, it is time for me to head back to the island.
Sometimes I feel that way: Where I want multiple worlds to come together so that distance is no longer an obstacle, however I have been labeled a "dreamer" more than a few times in my life to understand that this is not possible and I must accept change exactly as it presents itself: an altering in my journey.

    But the joy that I have come across during my time here is that though it may be my journey, it's not my path that I follow. It's God's. He directs my path, no matter where I go - for good or for my own evil purposes - He transforms it into His Will and His goodness for those who trust in Him.

    I don't really enjoy resolutions mainly because I'm often too stubborn to change my ways, however this year my resolution is that I grow more in my intimacy with Christ while reaching outwardly with His love and grace.


Happy New Year to you all!!

Love, Marissa