When I've counted up the cost

  It's been an interesting 4 days to say the least. Emotions have gone from one end of the spectrum to the other, but I believe that I am doing better.

  Sunday was a beautiful and simple day...we enjoyed the day at church and the lunch we spent with one of our elderly friends from the church. We were excited and preparing for our camping trip to Mystic Beach (Along the Juan de Fuca trail) and packed right after dinner.
Around 8, all us girls were called together in a room. We were told the news.
It hit me, hard. We were in shock, on our knees crying and praying. Praying for understanding, praying because we needed to be with God, not questioning but rather laying out our finiteness and need for everything to have reason.
It was quite overwhelming for me to experience this much grief...I had never even met Meghan, and yet there I was on my knees. I was faced with the fact of the finality of death and the events that occur.
I have not been sheltered from the truth about death, yet this was something that went deeper than all my other experiences. I can't quite explain it, but spending almost 8 months together builds a bond that goes deeper than most friendships. You experience everything with everyone and it was no different with this. All of us were struggling, all of us were grappling with God's good will. Already we had one other student leave permanently due to issues that needed to be dealt with at home (health issues) and now this not too long afterwards.
It was hard for me in the way that Meghan was 20 and Keith just turned 19...their age difference is similar that of Elliot and I. There was a new perspective that it could have been me.
But being in this setting, all of us going through this process, we were able to come together - worship, pray and cry. We were able to just be together and not need to ask each other how we felt or provide words, because we were going through it in a similar way.

I didn't want to go on the camping trip after that, but I was persuaded that it was for the best...only God would give us this time, to come together away from other distractions and from dwelling on the pain too much.
It turned out to be exactly what everyone needed, and then some.

Tanner hiked in with his guitar...dedication

We drove out 2 hours to the Juan de Fuca Trail and hiked about 5 km in to Mystic beach. The weather was not too pleasant for us on Monday and Tuesday - we experienced everything from rain to snow to hail and then back again. But we were able to get the tents set up and somewhat of a fire going.

Welcome to Tentcity

Trying to keep warm in the snow!

Beautiful B.C.

We didn't really do much while we were there. We spent most of the time trying to light a fire with wet wood, try not to inhale all the smoke that the wet wood created, and make food. When we had time for actual activities, we played some leadership games, did devos, had some solo time and debriefed a little more from our mission trips. I am glad that we didn't really have too much planned - it was good to just have some time to pray alone and just be at peace with where we were.

Beautiful sunny B.C. 

Tuesday night, the sun finally came out as it was setting, so we got to witness some beauty among the cold.

We were thankful for the time that we had at Mystic Beach, though now we are so glad to be back in our nice warm and dry beds.

God has brought me through a journey already. Emotionally I've been all over the map (though that's usually the case anyways!), but He's pushing me towards something greater...in the sense that I must realize and count the cost and realize that Christ is worth it.
On that Sunday morning, there was a song on the radio that we were listening to, and I realized that it tied in to everything that God has been impressing upon me, it's called The Cost and it's a reminder that I don't need safety, I need Jesus.
I'm pulled back to Matthew 10:37-39. I cannot hold my family above that of my faith, because it's my faith that gives me life, a life spent praising God in His presence.

We still don't know anymore details except that the funeral was either yesterday or the day before that - Keith is coming back, not quite sure when but we're assuming for the next class (Christian Worldview) which starts on Monday. He's apparently handling it well - staying strong for his family, we're just praying that he grieves well in his own way.
Thank you to those who have been praying for him and the rest of us, I means so much to me.

Here are a little more pictures from the trip:

Trying not to get soaked! 

Future roommates @ Briercrest

God is always here with us...here's the proof :)